Not sure that word really works, but I’ll go with it.
One year ago today, I was in an operating room, anesthetized and oblivious to the hard work of a team of surgeons who removed a substantial part of my anatomy and (I hope), all the cancer with it.
It seems quite odd to think that a year has passed since that morning, a morning that was both frightening (will I die on the table? will they find more cancer that they didn’t expect?) and exhilarating (the bad stuff will be GONE, and I’ll be that much closer to survival). Some days, the memory of my hospital stay is incredibly vivid, and some little noise or scent will trigger a clear image of that week. Other days, I can barely remember what happened last year, and it seems as if it was all some sort of odd dream.
May 23, 2011 was a pretty momentous day. May 23, 2012 is perfectly ordinary. I’ve been doing some organizing and cleaning, working on figuring out the kids’ summer schedules, finishing laundry…mundane tasks that don’t ever seem to end. And that’s just fine with me.
I still find myself wondering, at times, how all this happened. I still catch myself waiting for cancer to be “over,” and I have to remember that there’s really no endpoint here. But with each one-year milestone, I feel as if I can put a bit more of the experience behind me.
What a difference a year makes, indeed.
I remember that day. I am glad it’s a year behind us, and I am glad of how far you’ve come since then. Here’s to 50 more.
Here’s to mundane tasks!! So glad that’s what you find yourself doing today.
You’ll never look at “mundane” tasks the same way again. Congrats on the anniversary. Here’s to many more cancer-free anniversaries in the years to come.
Dear Beth,
My colonoscopy was on 5/10/11 and my surgery was on 5/19/11. Finished my chemo in late November, cat scans and pet scans since then have been clear and my bloodwork has been normal. I just had my colonscopy last week, all clear, Thank God! Don’t need another for two years. The memories of the past year will never leave me and I know what you mean about things that trigger those memories. For me it was the smell of the antiseptic soap it was told to wash with before my surgery. I had to throw all of it away.
Just wanted to thank you again for your blog. You may not have noticed but it is not that easy to find success stories. I get that. I would guess that for most people, once you have survived it is difficult to look back. I appreciate your strength in being able to keep up your blog and for checking in from time to time even still. I wish you continued good health.
Stacy
I am so happy for May of 2012! Thank you for all of your thoughts and stages of your year journey. Our prayers are for continued good health.
This is an excerpt from an email:
“Each of us is put here on earth to learn, share, love, appreciate and give of ourselves. None of us knows when this fantastic experience will end. It can be taken away at any moment. Perhaps this is the power’s way of telling us that we must make the most out of every single day. Find something beautiful to notice. It doesn’t have to be something you see, it could be a scent, perhaps of freshly baked bread wafting out of someone’s house, or it could be the sound of the breeze slightly rustling the leaves in the trees, or the way the morning light catches one autumn leaf as it falls gently to the ground. Please look for these things, and cherish them. For, although it may sound trite to some, these things are the “stuff” of life. The little things we are put here on earth to enjoy. The things we often take for granted.”
You have noticed the little things and given many inspiration.
Mary
I am really hoping that you will be out picking and enjoying fresh strawberries in the next few days.